Minnesota Addictions

Today I would like to talk about … my morning coffee.

I took a road trip with my family out to the east coast in 2007. We drove all the way to D.C., up the coast to Maine, and then back home. It was phenomenal, some of the most amazing sights I’ve ever seen and a ton of fun. But one of the things I missed most about home?

Caribou Coffee.

There were Starbucks on every corner, of course. But their drinks just aren’t the same, and the stores lack the warm hominess that the Caribous have. Starbucks are sterile and cold, while Caribou Coffees are friendly and welcoming. :o)

I usually drink one thing for a long time and then switch to something else when I get bored. Right now, I’m in my Mint Condition Cooler phase, and let me tell you, that thing should be illegal. SO good.

Did you know that Caribous were actually started in Edina, MN? W00t! Home state pride!

My only beef with them is the exorbitant prices. I shouldn’t have to pay $5 for a morning coffee! It’s just ice and coffee, people. Not gold and diamonds. A little common sense, please?

Not that I have a choice in the matter. I’m as hopelessly addicted to my morning Caribou as I am to Barnes & Noble trips and Smash Burger. My consumerist tendencies disgust me.

Mmmmm. Smash Burger.

Those came to the cities fairly recently; I think the first opened about a year and a half ago. But my first experience with Smash Burger was when one opened in Eagan—right across the parking lot from my Barnes & Noble; w00t!—and I decided to pop-in and give it a try.

Holy deliciousness, Batman!

Some of their food can be a little rich—the haystack onions and the Sin City burger while both delicious are not something I would repeat. They’re both fantastic for the first half, but after that get to be a little too much.

But their buffalo chicken sandwich? C'est magnifique! An egg bun topped with a crispy chicken breast, buffalo sauce, fresh blue cheese crumbles, and lettuce, this sandwich is a party in your mouth. It even holds up the next day.

Definitely going to be getting one of those this weekend. :o)

Pumpkin Bread

Food is one of the things that we Midwesterners really enjoy, especially comfort foods like mashed potatoes, hot dishes, breads, and desserts. I love to cook, when I’m in the mood for it, and I just so happen to have made a ton of pumpkin bread last weekend. So I thought I’d share this phenomenal recipe with you.

The Maven’s Pumpkin Bread

1 can Libby's pumpkin pie mix (29 oz can)

4 eggs

1 cup vegetable oil

3 cups white sugar (I have substituted 1.5 cups of apple sauce for 1.5 cups sugar before to cut the sugar content, and it still tastes great)

3 ½ cups flour

2 teaspoons baking soda

1 ½ teaspoons salt

1 tbsp cinnamon
1 tbsp nutmeg

½ tbsp ground cloves

¼ tbsp ground ginger

Raisins (I usually add ½ a big box, or 3-4 small boxes depending on what’s on hand)

Walnuts, chopped (1/2 bag for me; as few or many as you like)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Mix everything together in a large mixing bowl, except the flour, raisins, and walnuts. After the mix is blended thoroughly, add the flour a cup at a time. Add as many raisins and walnuts as you prefer. Batter will be fairly thin—don’t worry, it will definitely solidify. Grease and fill your pans—this usually makes 1 big loaf, 1 cake, 1 batch of muffins, and 1 batch of mini loaves. (When I say a ton, I mean a ton!) I have spread the muffins and cake with a can of cream cheese frosting, but I actually prefer it plain.

And in honor of Halloween, take a look at some of these awesome jack-o-lanterns I found online:

A hamburger pumpkin, how awesome is that?

 

Man, he really should not have had that last pumpkin beer.

 

I have never seen a more evil-looking pumpkin in my life!

And finally...

My pumpkin from last year, because I forgot to snap a pick of this year's.
Wicked cool, isn't it?

This is the back of last year's pumpkin. The single eye is intimidating me.

 

Are you shitting me?

Dear Minnesotans,

Can you cut me a break here, please? How the hell am I supposed to convince the blogosphere that we aren’t all idiot hicks when you pull such a bass-ackwards stunt like you did with the elections on Tuesday? Less than a half a percentage point between Dayton and that drunk Emmer? The House and the Senate went Republican? And you re-elect Batshit Bachmann AGAIN? Give me some help here, people!

Minnesotans usually have so much common sense. I don’t understand how you end up electing republicans every time when it simply is not in your best interest to do so, unless you make upwards of 100k, which the majority of us do not.

For the love of God, break out of that Midwest conservative mold and use your brains!

This is what you’ve re-elected:

And this is the result:

Even Jesus face-palmed. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Minnesota Gurls

Hello, darling bloggers! I know this is old, but I have to repost! Minnesota pride!

FYI, in case you can’t make it out, here are the lyrics:

I know a place
With summer, winter, spring and autumn
Ten thousands lakes
Finding a beach is not a problem

Chewing lutefisk (no we don’t)
Lying underneath the pine trees
Lumberjacks bust their axe
Trying to creep a little sneak peek at us

You could travel the world
But nothing comes close to a Grain Belt tall
Once you angle with us
You’ll be falling in love…

Minnesota girls
We’re unforgettable
Waterproof boots and flannel on top
Wind-chaffed skin will turn your legs to popsicles
Oooooh, Oh, Oooooh

Minnesota girls
Our Spam in fry-able (we don’t eat Spam)
Farm fresh fun we’re workin’ every plot
Midwest represent
Now zip your jackets up
Oooooh, Oh, Oooooh

Stars in the sky
Instead of only on the sidewalks
We jam in my van
Prince is on the stereo

You could travel the world
But nothing comes close to a Grain Belt tall
Once you angle with us
You’ll be falling in love…

Minnesota girls
We’re unforgettable
Waterproof boots and flannel on top
Wind-chaffed skin will turn your legs to popsicles
Oooooh, Oh, Oooooh

Minnesota girls
Our Spam in fry-able
Farm fresh fun we’re workin’ every plot
Midwest represent
Now zip your jackets up
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

Spray-on tan now we ready
Need a shovel this snow is heavy (yes, it is!)
Oof-oof-da, Mid-Midwest
These are the girls I love the best

I met her at Lake Wobegon
34 degrees but no coat was on
She’s a hometown girl we went to ValleyFair did the tilt-A-Whirl
And then under Mall of America
California dude would you please stop starin’ bra’

Keep on starin’ on to Target Field
Ask Joe Mauer these burns are real
Outside ball we’re hanging out
We’ll play through hail without a doubt

You’ve got the Lakers we’ve got the Wolves
That comparison was terrible
I regret that line I’ll take it back
I’m Paul Bunyan check out my axe

I’m a real man’s man I just wanna show ya
cuz representin’ in Minnesota

Minnesota girls
We’re unforgettable
Waterproof boots and flannel on top
Wind-chaffed skin will turn your legs to popsicles
Oooooh, Oh, Oooooh

Minnesota girls
Our Spam in fry-able
Farm fresh fun we’re workin’ every plot
Midwest represent
Now zip your jackets up
Oooooh, Oh, Oooooh

Minnesota
Minnesota girls
Minnesota
Minnesota girls

Jeff Foxworthy & Minnesota

If there is one thing Minnesotans like to do, it’s laugh. We like telling stories, hearing stories, and sharing jokes, perhaps especially when those jokes are about Minnesotans. You think we don’t know that it’s insane to live in a place that has seven months of winter so cold you can freeze an egg to the sidewalk in under a minute? We know. And we’re secretly proud to be tough enough to live here. LOL.

So, in honor of Minnesotans and our self-deprecating sense of humor, let me share this list by comedian Jeff Foxworthy. Enjoy!

You Might Be From Minnesota if…

• If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Minnesota. 
• If you have ever refused to buy something because it's “too spendy,” you might live in Minnesota.
• If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Minnesota.
• If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Minnesota.
• If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Minnesota .
• If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you know how to say ... Wayzata ... Mahtomedi ... Cloquet … Edina ... and Shakopee, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, you might live in Minnesota.
• If vacation means going “up north” for the weekend, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you measure distance in hours, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you know several people who have hit deer more than once, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you often switch from “Heat” to “A/C” in the same day and back again, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you can drive 65 mph through two feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you see people wearing hunting clothes at social events, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them, you might live in Minnesota. 
• If there are seven empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you think driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you can identify a southern or eastern accent, you might live in Minnesota.
• If your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce, you might live in Minnesota.
• If “Down South” to you means Iowa, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you know “a brat” is something you eat, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you find -10 degrees “a little chilly,” you might live in Minnesota.

Minnesota is the Center of the Earth.

Okay, so that’s not exactly true, at least for people that don’t live here. But it sounds good. :o)

Like a lot of people from Minnesota—from the Midwest really—I have a love/hate relationship with my state. There are a lot of great things about Minnesota: it’s beautiful, the natives are nice, there’s a good mix of city and country, etc. There are also a lot of crappy things about Minnesota: unpredictable weather, a southern conservative streak that can lead to politicians like Batshit Bachmann and Dim Tim Pawlenty, and roads that are either under construction or completely fucked. I’m sure there’ll be more Minnesota Love and some angry ranting coming out on this blog over the next few weeks, but for now it’s enough to get us established.

There are a lot of misconceptions out there about Minnesotans. People seem to think we’re all either Eskimo farmers or conservative soccer moms living in cookie-cutter subdivisions.

I’m here to set the record straight.

Stick around and see what we’re really like.